DISCIPLINING CHILDREN NEED TOGETHERNESS
When it comes to disciplining children, the rules are simple: clear, simple and most importantly consistent with the rules made. The more parents are consistent with boundaries, the easier it will be for children to stay within limits.
Jane Nelsen in her book “Positive Discipline”, states that to discipline children, parents must be strong together. Avoid getting caught up in a power struggle with your partner. Parents need to talk to equalize vision in disciplining children.
- Ask your partner, how he was raised because usually parenting style is repeated. We take many values that were instilled by our parents. Finding out the background of how he was raised by his parents, can give an idea of how the parenting style adopted by the couple. Ask your partner, why he chose the style of discipline. Listen to the explanation without being interrupted. Ask yourself if there are things that you disagree with your partner’s style of disciplining your child.
- 2. There is no pent up feeling. If there are ways you don’t agree with, don’t stand still, say it! We recommend that you once every month you and your partner sit together to discuss this problem. Write down some things that block. This is your chance to be honest and must listen to each other and respect each other’s opinions. The goal is not to master, but you and your partner can get rules that both of you can feel comfortable applying.
- Accept the slight differences. It is impossible to expect couples to have the exact same views in disciplining children. Likewise, he also will not always follow all your wishes. But by defending a bit of your individuality, including when disciplining your child, you are educating your child’s emotional intelligence. Children learn from what they expect from one adult versus another adult. This is a good thing.
- 4. Not in front of children. When you and your partner start talking about disciplining children, choose a quiet place, where only the two of you are alone. For example at night when the child is sleeping. Talk with a cool head.
- Continue exploration. There are various choices in disciplining children, balance between pros and cons. Develop a set of rules and consequences that are mutually agreed upon. However, you must be ready to adjust it again or even change the whole rule if it does not work well within a certain period of time. You and your partner must be open to compromise.
- Always one word in front of the child, don’t show disapproval in front of him. Children see you as a person who gives security and love in their lives. When children see their parents arguing, especially about themselves, can shake their understanding. Children can be angry or frightened and feel to be the cause of their parents’ argument. This can cause her confidence and awareness to decrease.
- Always check with a partner. Children are smart and if you feel like they are pitting you and your partner, remember to always be one voice. For example, he said that father allowed him to tidy up the toys later after watching the film, even though there are rules directly returning the toys to their place after playing. It is best to make a mutual agreement if you are going to give permission after you talk with your partner. Or tell him he needs two “yes” from his father and mother before he can do that. Remember, not all need answers right away.
- Encourage, especially if he feels uncomfortable with his actions when disciplining children. Even though you may not really like the way he handled the situation, try to empathize with your partner and give him support. Find a time where you can discuss this with him. Open with a soft sentence that does not judge him like, “That was not easy, maybe you are upset. Want to talk about it?”
- Don’t carry your surname, especially when you don’t agree with your partner. Don’t say this sentence: “You like to shout and get angry, just like your father!” When you say that, it is tantamount to underestimating your partner. He will also be more resistant to his stance. child discipline is increasingly difficult to achieve.
- 10. Don’t give up if your partner doesn’t want to talk about disciplining a child. Indeed, it will be more difficult to find ways to unite your views in disciplining children, but you should not say anything. You are the person who knows your partner best so you know how to get him to talk about the problem. For example, you can ask what is the child’s behavior that makes you upset and what his ideas for overcoming the problem.